Feral Summer
Helicopter parenting be damned
I asked my 12-year-old to make dinner, tuna noodle casserole. After I gave him this mission, we discovered that we didn’t have all the ingredients.
So I gave him another mission: To go to the store and get the ingredients we needed (a can of cream of mushroom soup, a quart of milk, and frozen peas). He slapped on a bike helmet, hopped on his bike, and rode to the small neighborhood grocery store with a $20 bill, and picked them up (along with some M&Ms for himself).
I think he felt very accomplished to be of assistance. He didn’t even complain very much about the uphill ride home. Although he did point out that cycling with a quart of milk, even if it was in a drawstring bag on his back, was challenging.
I felt like giving him the room to be helpful and use his bike established some independence. It’s nice to be able to give him, and my other children, a sense of being able to rely on themselves and act independently.
A bicycle gives a 12-year-old so much freedom. He can get to friends’ houses without needing to pester me for a ride. He can run to the convenience store to grab a candy bar and a sports drink; as demonstrated, he can even run short errands to shop for dinner. It’s active without needing to be structured exercise.
We have several bicycles around, in various states of functionality. The bike he was riding was lent to him by a friend who was getting a newer one. He’s got a watch for communications and tracking, and if he ever forgets it, he can just text me from one of his friends’ phones.
The older two don’t have drivers licenses yet, but the 16-year-old practices driving every chance he gets, and the 18-year-old has friends with cars who are happy to pick them up and ride them to their destinations.
Unstructured time
My youngest and his friends bike, swim, hike, and play whatever sports ball they have the equipment for that day (baseball, basketball, football, you name it). They do play video games, usually in the evenings, and if they aren’t physically together, they hop on their devices and play together that way. The older two go for walks with their friends, play boardgames, draw or paint, and listen to music.
Shout out to the parents of my 12yo’s friends. He has borrowed swimsuits and towels (which I launder and return), bummed rides, and I suspect, eaten many snacks. Please know that I am paying it forward it providing rides when I can and feeding the 16yo’s friends, plus making the occasional drive-thru runs with any kids I am taxi-ing around. I truly appreciate that my kids have friends that they can just hang out with, and everyone is encouraged to be outside.
The house this summer is either quiet and empty, or full of the 16yo’s friends and loud (although usually contained to his room). It’s giving me a glimpse of what being an empty-nester will be like, for better or worse.
I’m a GenXer, so letting my children off leash, especially during the summer, is part of my genetic make-up. I’m grateful for the devices we have to touch base, but otherswise, what my kiddos get up to is pretty much up to them.
What I lack in oversight, I hope I make up for in love and tasty food.
