18

Not all graduations are parties

Eighteen years ago, my husband and I matriculated into parenthood, albeit a sad version of it. We graduated into the babyloss community when our stillborn son Gabriel was delivered.

Boys we know are turning 18, graduating into legal adulthood, a time that will be as life-changing for them as having Gabriel was for us — I hope in a more fun way.

They have their whole lives ahead of them, and I hope it is enriching, instructive, and filled with love.

If Gabriel had survived, I wonder if we would have parented with more joy and less fear.

— —

Cradle

the eggs our children
our womb their cradle
we hold them from our own
womb time
every potential life

a child lives there
for many of us for some time
if not the whole time
children die there, too
our hearts die there

then the body goes on without us
forgets injury
forgets childbirth
bones settle home & we who have lost
wonder
did we have the baby?
did we hold life?

could this faithful body
have betrayed us, our heart?
no. no.
we do not believe
unless we are sad

Photo by Ashley Walker on Unsplash